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I've been thinking [Apr. 30th, 2006|12:16 am]
[What did I feel like? Answer----> |happy]

I was thinking about myself and what I want... I always thought that gay marriage was well... I didn't think about it at all. I was kinda impartial, but now that I think about it, I am going to want to get married and shit like that some day, so I may need to take a side on this topic.

I was thinking about getting married and my life... you know existentialist bullshit, and I decided I need to start doing things differently. Being content is not enough. I decided that I am going to stop smoking because I want to make someone happy some day... I think it would be easier if I were healthy, so that is that. there is a bunch of other bullshit, but I want to go to sleep so I will talk about it some other time.
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A bad time to be finding myself [Apr. 25th, 2006|11:34 am]
I am new to the gay thing so it is just exciting, but my mind isn't where it needs to be(school). I tuned in a paper (late) that was supposed to be 8 pgs at least, was only 2 1/2 pgs, and it was bearly cohearant. I felt so imbarrased that I jsut threw it on the teacher's desk and basically ran out.

Last night I was getting so overwhelmed I wanted to kill myself... but I dug my grave and I have to lay in it... if I get a bad grade it is my own fault, and nothing is going to change the way I am except me...

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Thank You For Smoking [Apr. 16th, 2006|04:13 pm]
Good movie... great movie, but that wasn't really the high point of tonight...

S"Have you met any nice girls?"
M... "I don't want to be a dick, but why do you always ask about girls?"
"It's obvious."
S"What is?"

M"That I'm gay."

The M is me and the S is my sister. I finally came out to her. She said she didn't know, and I kinda believe her. I assume that everyone knows, but she said she didn't and who am I to say what someone does or doesn't know...

We went out to eat and I had one of the most in depth conversations I have ever had.
I didn't really have a good relationship w/ her, but I feel closer to her than I have ever had.
This may sound cliche, but it was almost a cathartic experience.
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This Past Weekend [Apr. 11th, 2006|01:14 pm]
[Current Music |"Crap Kraft Dinner" by Hot Chip]

I was at this festival Thur, Sat, and Sun... I had a good time, but I didn't get much sleep so now I am tired like a mofo.

I am listening to Hot Chip. I got the album the other day and I have to say that it is the best CD I have heard this year. They are fucking awesome. They are like a slow mixture of The Postal Service and The Gorillaz, but w/ more bass. I can't stop listening to this some called Crap Kraft Dinner. It is relaxing.

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Bored, Supposed To Be Doing Homework, Thought, "Might As Well" [Apr. 4th, 2006|12:09 pm]
[What did I feel like? Answer----> |tired]

SurveyCollapse )
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Akward silence almost led me to it [Apr. 2nd, 2006|09:55 pm]
[Current Music |"Heroin She Said" by Wolfsheim]

Sitting outside, smoking a cigarette with my brother... We don't really have anything in common, aside from our mitochondrial DNA. Five minutes felt like 100 and for some reason I was compelled to just say, "I'm gay." I didn't, but I wanted to... just to warn him kinda. You know... if he were to see me in public, I wouldn't want him to be surprised in any way.

I am really depressed today. I just don't like Sundays. For as long as I can remember, I disliked Sundays.

Heard a funny joke:
-A woman is in a coma for 25 years, brain-dead.
-One day when a nurse was giving her a sponge bath, the equiptment that was monitoring the woman's brain activity went off as the nurse was cleaning her vagina.
-The startled nurse told the doctor what happened.
-The next day the doctor called the woman's husband in and told him what had happened.
-The doctor said, "this is going to seem crazy, but I think you should give your wife oral sex to get some more brain activity out of her.
-The man was in the room for five minutes and when he came out he told the doctor, "She's dead."
-The doctor said, " What happened?"
-The husband said, "Well, I gave her oral sex like you said, but I think I choked her."

I got that one from a show that I was watching.
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I was watching ER... haven't seen that in a long time... [Mar. 30th, 2006|10:03 pm]
I didn't know that Parminder Magra is on that show... In case you don't know she is the indian girl from Bend It Like Beckham... I get more and more straight every time I see her. She is so fucking beautiful that it is almost painful. I am serious if I were straight I would only date south asian women... they are the most beautiful women in the world. I think what makes Parminder even hotter than she already is... is her accent. Holy Shit... the combination of her looks and accent make me want to be straight.
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It feels so good to have a gay friend that I can hang out w/ and talk to. [Mar. 29th, 2006|10:12 pm]
I have never really had a gay friend, and now that I do, it is great. I hang out w/ my friend Fernando quite a bit now and I feel so much more confortable w/ my sexuality than I ever have. I care a lot less about what people think than I used to... maybe it is because he is real comfortable w/ himself. I know that it might seem like I like him, but I don't... seriously... he isn't my type. We do like the same type of guys though.
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I think he may have caught on [Mar. 28th, 2006|09:32 pm]
I haven't seen Tomas, the guy from my work that I have had a crush on for a while. I am not sure if he got fired/quit, but I doubt it. To be honest, I think he caught onto the fact that I am gay and is now totally avoiding me by taking his breaks later/earlier. It's cool... I don't mind... There could be some other reasons, but I am tired and don't feel like typing anymore.
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The "Hello" knod [Mar. 28th, 2006|11:47 am]
I wonder where the age gap starts... I am sitting outside of the library chillin' and an older man knoded his head at me. You know... The simple gesture when someone kinda tipps his head down at you as if to say "Hi." My response was similar, but not. I knoded my head, but it was at an upward angle as if to say "what's up." I don't know if my gesturing was polite. I kinda felt bad after the fact because my gesture was disrespectful... of so I thought. I usually make the gesture toward peers, but he was older and I don't want to seem like a dickhead and have him walk away thinking that I didn't mean it sincerely.

Do you think I was? even if I didn't know?
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