|Is it b/c I don't act like life is great... or is it b/c I don't feel comfortable talking to him
||[Mar. 23rd, 2006|05:01 pm]
If it is the first one... then it is his own fault.... 'cause he fucked me up in the head and now I don't know how to be happy.|
If it is the second one... the it is his own fault... like I said he fucked me up in the head... I would get yelled at for the stupidest shit and was like a little puppy that gets beaten all the time... and he expects me to be all fucking happy and, "how was you day?" He asks me how mine is but I know he doesn't give a fuck so I don't bother elaborating beyond a one or two word response.
I used the puppy simile to make my case seem more dramatic than it is.... it wasn't that bad, but it was pretty bad... I have to force myself to go in the kitchen if he is downstairs...
If you haven't guessed by now, I am talking about my dad. I was doing so fucking great... keeping my mouth shut and being submissive when he wants to argue... you know shit like that. I don't think I can take it much longer. Do you know what he did today? He opened up my credit card statement. Then had the balls to yell at me for having a credit card.
I will be sitting down and he will be talking on the phone to some family member that I don't give a fuck about... the next thing you know, "ya, he is right here, let me get him for you." Guess the fuck what, I am stuck on the phone talking to the fucking person that I don't want to talk to. Well he tried to do it to me today and I asked him, "why do you always give me the phone?" He got all pissed off and practically yelled in the phone, "I guess he's not here, bye." I have a feeling it was a friend of mine, but I always talk to them and don't feel like talking to anyone right now.
I really hate my life right now. I kinda just want to die. I wish I would just drop dead right now... and my dad got blamed for it and everyone hated him. I fucking hate all of the ubiquitous hypocrisy that goes on around me, but it is my own that is ever pointed out. I know I am a hypocrit... it is in human nature to be hypocritical, but I am not as bad as my dad... and most people for that matter.