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Men. [Mar. 25th, 2006|06:33 pm]
What can I say. They are just awesome. LOL. Today at work, there were these really hot guys that were cutting the grass, trimming, ect.... You know that shit. Well they were hot. It was funny b/c on break I was talking to this man that works with me and I kept on looking at the guys there were working... He kinda gave me this why are you looking at them look. LOL. The man doesn't know that I am gay. So it was kinda entertianing.

I want to do something tonight, maybe I will go to the movies, or a show. Maybe I should call someone to go w/ me. I have a lot of time to make up my mind.
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I am in a great mood [Mar. 24th, 2006|10:36 pm]
[What did I feel like? Answer----> |awake]

I am just happy b/c I am making friends at school... finally.
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Wow... I really want to post tonight [Mar. 23rd, 2006|09:52 pm]
It is really hard for me to look at myself objectively... I tell myself that I am fat and ugly every day pretty much... you know just to start the day off.lol.jk. I really don't know if I am attractive or what the hell is up... I get hit on by girls all the time, but that doesn't mean that I am attractive to men... This is really pissing me off. If I knew that I was unattractive then I would work more on my body, but if I was like a 7 or 8 then I would be content and not worry about my body that much... I don't think I will ever get fat b/c I don't do shit now, eat junk food and shit like that, and don't ever gain weight. I guess it would be nice to have a flatter stomach, but I don't want a sixpack... muscular men gross me out a little... a lot in some cases.



LOL. you thought I was going to tell you my name.
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Bomboozled [Mar. 23rd, 2006|09:31 pm]
.......... I really don't know what to say. I literally was nausiated by the movie. I don't know why. I was just really uncomfortable w/ the whole thing. Maybe I am just too white to actually get what the fuck was going on in the movie, but I do know that it was fucked up.
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Is there anyone out there? [Mar. 23rd, 2006|07:44 pm]
[Current Music |"Heroine" by Wolfsheim]

I just want someone to talk to.
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Is it b/c I don't act like life is great... or is it b/c I don't feel comfortable talking to him [Mar. 23rd, 2006|05:01 pm]
If it is the first one... then it is his own fault.... 'cause he fucked me up in the head and now I don't know how to be happy.

If it is the second one... the it is his own fault... like I said he fucked me up in the head... I would get yelled at for the stupidest shit and was like a little puppy that gets beaten all the time... and he expects me to be all fucking happy and, "how was you day?" He asks me how mine is but I know he doesn't give a fuck so I don't bother elaborating beyond a one or two word response.
I used the puppy simile to make my case seem more dramatic than it is.... it wasn't that bad, but it was pretty bad... I have to force myself to go in the kitchen if he is downstairs...

If you haven't guessed by now, I am talking about my dad. I was doing so fucking great... keeping my mouth shut and being submissive when he wants to argue... you know shit like that. I don't think I can take it much longer. Do you know what he did today? He opened up my credit card statement. Then had the balls to yell at me for having a credit card.

I will be sitting down and he will be talking on the phone to some family member that I don't give a fuck about... the next thing you know, "ya, he is right here, let me get him for you." Guess the fuck what, I am stuck on the phone talking to the fucking person that I don't want to talk to. Well he tried to do it to me today and I asked him, "why do you always give me the phone?" He got all pissed off and practically yelled in the phone, "I guess he's not here, bye." I have a feeling it was a friend of mine, but I always talk to them and don't feel like talking to anyone right now.

I really hate my life right now. I kinda just want to die. I wish I would just drop dead right now... and my dad got blamed for it and everyone hated him. I fucking hate all of the ubiquitous hypocrisy that goes on around me, but it is my own that is ever pointed out. I know I am a hypocrit... it is in human nature to be hypocritical, but I am not as bad as my dad... and most people for that matter.
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I don't have anything to do [Mar. 22nd, 2006|01:09 pm]
[What did I feel like? Answer----> |bored]
[Current Music |"Shining Cadalac" by Hot Chip]

I am sittin here in the library... I finished my Calculus h/w and now I don't have anything to do. I leave in about 25 mins to go to work, but until I leave I am going to have to sit here and surf on the net... I love the song I am listening to... if you get the chance d/l it or something.

Last night I go really jelous for no reason... The guy that I am infatuated w/ (Tom from work) took my friend Vanessa home. LOL. I am fucking stupid. I had no reason to get jelous...
--He is straight, so he is off limits anyways
--she doesn't like white boys, but I think it may be kinda hard not to like him
--and even if they were together, they make a good couple
I really wish I didn't like straight men. It is really annoying, almost like I am setting myself up for disappointment.

P.S. This entry is like on of the first that I actually used names.
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Kinda disappointed, but not. [Mar. 19th, 2006|01:53 pm]
[What did I feel like? Answer----> |I don't want to go to school!]
[Current Music |"Believe" by The Chemical Brothers]

Yesterday I was talking to this chick that works w/ me, well not w/ me but at the same place, and she was telling me that she was going to go to the Sanctuary for '80s Synthypop Night. So we were talking and she invited me to go w/ her and her friends and hag out. I wanted to go because she is really cool, but I don't dance and knew I would feel out of place. I gave her my # and she said she was going to call me before she left so I could meet her there or something like that...

I got off of work went home and was chillin'. To be honest I didn't think she would call anyways, but I was kinda hoping she would b/c I don't go out ever and thought this could be a good change. It go to be like 9:30 and she didn't call so I just went to my friends house to hang out. It was cool there but I just wanted to do something different. When I got home, I was curious if she called and guess what. She didn't. Like I said I didn't expect her to call I was just kinda hoping.

I really need to go out more. To like clubs and shit.

The song that I am listening to right now is kik ass. You need to d/l it and listen to it on something w/ a really good system really loud... at about 6 mins(on the version I have) there is this ear piercing reverberation that is cool as shit. You have to experience it to know what the hell I am talking about.
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I am lazy and I disgoust myself [Mar. 16th, 2006|09:37 pm]
[What did I feel like? Answer----> |mellow]
[Current Music |"Ridin'" by Camillionare]

I really need to do my homework, but I just get caught up doing nothing and tell myself that I will do it later. I really don't know what the hell is wrong w/ me.

I am buzzing a little, I don't drink... ever... and I am just a not used to it. I am relieved, becuase usually I get paranoid, but I am cool.

Tryin'a catch me ridin' dirty.
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Ahhh, sweet taste of victory, go head and breathe it in like antihisamine [Mar. 14th, 2006|10:34 pm]
[Current Music |"They Say" by Common feat. Kanye West]

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG W/ ME!? I am so disgoustingly infatuated w/ this guy, Tom, that works at the place I work. I just really want to get over him... I see him everyday and I know that after a while I am going to get depressed because I know that I could never be w/ him. He has been sick for the past few days and I don't know I just feel akward because I want to comfort him, but you know... he is straight and I might get my ass kicked.. well maybe not... I may be able to kick his ass.

I really need a boyfiend. Soon. I am so lonely. I it not even a sexual thing... I just want someone to hang out w/, be close to, and just chill. I don't know what the problem is... I am not ugly, I don't think... I get hit on by girls all the time. I am not picky... I pretty much just like nice guys. I guess I am annoying...I really don't know what is wrong w/ me. If I did I would try to change it but you know... maybe I need to ask people what I should change about myself.
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